Sunday, June 5, 2011

Eggs

PS: Now that you have read the title, I suggest making three sunny-side-up eggs to get in the mood. It makes it much better.













When I was seven, with the help of staying on my grandfather's farm: I had a massive unexpected craving for eggs.
I would eat nothing but eggs. My grandaddy had bought eggs and I ate the whole carton, so he bought two more packages of eggs. I ate twenty two. He ate two. So I went around the house, groaning 'EGGS...' like a zombie.










I was unstoppable. By our fourth week in Alabama I had eaten three carton of eggs, which grandaddy had generously paid $15 for. But he was getting more impatient for cooking me eggs every morning. It was also costing him butter and salt, which were expensive in the rural area he lived in, so mom and dad needed to take action. They included Ana too, so one day while I was just minding my own business coming up with 100 ways to prepare an egg when Ana sprang out of a tree at me. ME: You almost gave me a heart attack! Do we have any eggs?


ANA: Jane, I have a lesson to teach you.


ME: I'm on vacation! I don't want to learn on my break! Can you make me some eggs?


ANA: Dad wants you to learn. So you like butter on your eggs, right?


ME: Of course. How else?


ANA: Butter is made from the fat content of milk. And do you know where milk comes from?


ME: No...





ME: EEEWWWBLARGAFUHMMMGAKAHUFFAMUFFPUFFSUFFNGAKGAK!!!!



I wanted to bark for Ana to make me some eggs (hold the butter) but she had disappeared as quickly as she had come. I was wandering about the farm feeling a little queasy when dad dropped the bomb.






DAD: Hey, sweetie!


ME: Dad, Ana...


DAD: Do you want to know something absolutely fascinating?


ME: NO!


DAD, LEADING ME TO CHICKEN HOUSE: Here we go. You see that chicken on the nest?


ME: Yeah, she just sat down. Now she's standing up... WAAHAHHAHHHAAA????


DAD: Yes, fascinating things eggs. A chicken lays an egg at least once a week. it...


ME: AAAARRRGGGHHH!! I'm fed up with eggs! GO GET ME A QUESADILLA!!!!




And that, my friends, is the end to another glorious blogpost.




Hope you enjoyed the banana-eared cow.





--Jane