Sunday, February 27, 2011

Sally The Tree

At some point in my early childhood I gave up wearing diapers. I felt like a 'big kid' now and I told mom that I was going for a walk all by myself. My mom agreed as long as I wore a diaper for one last time. I wasn't happy, but I went along with it just to wear it one more time. Suddenly, I found my sister. She had been following me, Mom had told her too. Ana was six and I was two and a half, but I was so furious. I could do this on my own. I WAS A BIG KID. I sent Ana home and continued on my walk. When I got home I realized Ana's 'Think Green' girl scout group was having a meeting, and I came in to watch. Ana and her friends had a slogan: I actually hadn't hugged a tree in a while so I went outside and I hugged a tree.Suddenly, I felt it.
I had fallen in love with a tree. I scrambled up the tree and stayed there until somebody noticed.
My mom tried everything to get me down from that tree... my favorite foods, (even foods that I wanted but wasn't allowed to have) my favorite toys, but I held strong. I even named the tree.

My mother finally got to me.
I absolutely loved pizza. Especially with green pepper toppings. But I couldn't get down. Sally had a bunch of junk stuck in her branches, and I formed a mischievous scheme, and then I built the contraption and came down.
Don't ask me how I did it. I just did it.

Next thing I new, the next day I was in an office taking my IQ test.


Friday, February 25, 2011

Bee Blanket The Great

When I was three I was going through a drowning phase. I imagined the house would fill up with water and me, unable to swim, would drown. At night I was the most scared, but I'd get about an hour of sleep in, and in that time I'd dream I would fly.And then I'd wake up. I'd run around the room, checking to see if there was any water. And then I'd find it.

I'd treat the water bottle like a god, hoping it wouldn't unleash it's drowning power upon me. I'd gently take it out.

My mom couldn't take it anymore. Every morning she'd trip over the water bottle, put it back in my room. Trip over the water bottle, put it back in my room. She finally called my sister's school and asked if I could just wander around the school for a day, maybe that would energize my dreams. So I packed up my baby blanket and my baby bottle and while the whole school was sitting on the floor and the principal was saying the pledge of allegiance with them, I'd stand, right next to the Principal, watching everybody stare at me. I was completely unfazed. I loved the attention, and I felt safe with all these people watching me. I spotted Ana and waved at her. I felt safe and warm at night, remembering the people staring at me and keeping me safe. The drowning demon wouldn't dare attack when there were so many witnesses. The problem was, I was well rested and after I went to school for the morning I'd be so energetic because I was sleeping okay.

My mom couldn't win. She finally locked me up in a cage right after school and left me there the entire day with just a box of uncooked cous cous to eat.
Mom couldn't bear to see me like that, looking all pathetic and all.
So she took me out of the cage and took me to the grocery store.
Then we came to the baby aisle.
My mother bought me three pacifiers and two Sippy cups, the Sippy cups I especially loved because they had penguins on the side..
While I was occupied with my new toys my mom snuck off and brought back a surprise in a baggie. I kept that baggie later on because it held my best friend of all time in it, I still have it, and my best friend.
It was a Bee Blanket. One side was solid yellow and on the other side it was white, with thousands of bees crawling across the blanket, and 'bzzzzz's next to them.
And so began one of the strongest relationships of our generation.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Never Eat Fondue With Gummy Worms

So at school I have this really mean teacher. First time I met her I had forgotten my book and she was alland I was all
And, unfortunately, she was at our annual Fondue Party in my homeroom, but around my homeroom teacher Mrs. Williams she's a total angel so thank goodness Mrs. Williams was there, and she was the one making the fondue. I was the hungriest in the entire class but my row got called last to get up and get fondue and things to dip the fondue in. As soon as she called us I was at the front of the buffet. When I sat back down I had a plate full of food and fondue:
I ate a few pretzels and stored a few for later, because Mrs. Williams always gave us pretzels for really hard assignments we got right, and sometimes I didn't get pretzels and it makes me feel uncomfortable with other people around me chewing pretzels. So, then I took a forkful of the drippy fondue, sniffed it, cringed, and took a bite.
I stuffed every last bit into my mouth, and realized I didn't have anything to dip my gummy worms and pretzels in, so I went back for more. I dipped a gummy worm into the fondue, and...


PS: Today is my mother's birthday! On 3 we shout out to her: HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANE'S MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1, 2, 3: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!